Performance Reviews

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.....and has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere...but only out of morbid curiosity."

"This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle."

Rules:

(1) The boss is always right.
(2) When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.